Hello everyone, Thank you for visiting blog for The Apology. My name is Vimmi. I am also a Graduate student of USC school of social work like rest of the crew members. As part of the crew, most of my interest is in cinematography because I love photography and cameras...Camera and photography is also a great way of self-care for me. Anyways, this documentary is not just any other documentary for me, it is a way to heal, a way to move up in my life. Previously I have made couple documentaries, but this one is special out of all the documentary work I have ever done. This documentary is a way to heal, a way to be myself and ay to express without expressing anything.
Sexual harassment or sexual abuse, it stinks. In the US, March 14-23 is known as Anti-Sexual Harassment Week. Few days ago when I was walking by my campus I noticed a lovely exhibition of shirts that shows very deep messages on it related to sexual harassment. Reading some of the messages touched my heart and my eyes felt wet.
I lived in South Asia for most of my life so unfortunately street harassment and sexual harassment were part of my life and of all those women I knew back then. Some of these women were molested, some were raped under the name of marriage, some were touched without their consent, some were sexually and emotionally put down for being female, and some young girls like I was then were told to perform actions that were unknown and unwanted. Yes, sexual harassment stinks, and I have been on the other side of this stickiness.
In this documentary we are concentrating on childhood sexual abuse and how important it is to talk about the abuse. Having gone through the abuse myself, I didn’t speak about my sexual abuse until just a few years ago. I ignored the topics, the issues and the sadness that came with it all. Ignoring made me hollow inside. I lived like a fake soul, and later on I used theater as a medium to express myself. It helped me on many levels, and I was able to have ‘normal’ relationships in my life. And today, I am using documentary filmmaking as a medium for social change. I am speaking about it, and helping many others speak in order to heal.
Years went by and I thought I am over with my childhood and the heaviness that came with it. But since the day I started shooting for this documentary, I am experiencing PTSD related to my childhood abuse. Every time my hands touch my breasts or my legs/thighs, I am reminded of what my neighbor did to me and made me do. Every time I feel sexually aroused, I hear the words and stories of survivors of sexual harassment. These stories is what I am recording for the documentary. I WILL be fine. I should be fine because I have a lot to do before this feeling try to kills me and I have to touch the sky before I sleep. I am talking about my abuse, and I am voicing the issues of sexual harassment and sexual abuse. Please do your part people! Stop harassing others and start helping victims become survivors.
Must be wondering why I am writing about my PTSD and about my abuse here? Because I am trying to hide behind this internet wall and still feel safe. Because I am doing my part. Because I am letting it out. Because I am helping someone survive by reading this post. Because I believe healing starts when we put word to our abuse. Healing start when we talk about the hidden pain and about stolen moments...